Nerdy Comfort

I will admit, the past few weeks have been tough for me. My grandpa (the only person in my family who love technology as much as I do) is dying. My mom is a wreck over the realization of her father dying. I came down with a nasty tummy virus which landed me in the ER.  Both my mom and grandma are sick, causing me to worry about them. My father decided not to visit me on Christmas. The stress of my current financial condition is ever-present, and I am unsure how I am going to pay for my final year of college. The best relationship I've ever been in has ended, mostly due to my own damn personal code of ethics, and I miss him like crazy.  Every friend I turn to for comfort just becomes another person to worry about, another issue to deal with, another problem to solve, causing me to shut myself off during a time when I need them most. With no shoulders to cry on, I find myself crying in bed nearly every night.  I hate crying; it's annoying and accomplishes nothing. 

In an attempt to comfort myself, I bought a black poster board and some gel pens, and spent over 4 hours making a poster of the coagulation cascade. Because it's fucking awesome, when you stop to think about it. All these enzymes reacting with each other, thousands of times within seconds, just to make a simple clot. Blood is so amazing.

This is probably one of the nerdiest things I've ever done for fun. And it looks pretty damn awesome. The way the enzymes flow reminds me of a circut board. Which, in a sense, it kind of is. 

Thrombin even has a tendancy to create an endless loop. Actually, multiple endless loops.

I'm trying to focus on the positive aspects of the past few weeks. I found out I got a 4.0 last semester. I am in a degree program I absolutely love. My grandpa gave me two of his cameras, which I can use for my upcoming photography class. Classes are starting in a few days.

...I'm noticing that all my positive aspects are school-related. I've always loved school, and this coming semester contains three of my favorite subjects. It will be a nice distraction from everything else in life.